Fair Weather Archer Award
For too long there has been a type of archer in our midst who has no classification badge to strive for. No way to measure their participation or degree of their commitment! We’re talking about the Fair Weather Archer (FWA).
We all know them. The mysterious call offs, the no shows, the vague illnesses, the emergencies … always when the weather turns a little less clement than perfect.
So it is that we at GA humbly make this proposal to AGB/World Archery. An award for all archers indicating just how insane or timid they may be in the face of our ancient enemy … weather! A classification which even Fair Weather Archers can wear proudly … those days they actually turn up. And to be fair, we’ll mock the All Weather Archer as well!
To qualify for an award: you have to attend at least 3 sessions during a season, be noted as present by either judges or the clubs committee and shoot at least 1 dozen arrows at each …….. (at each session, not at the judges or committee! :o)
A – Fair Friday** Archer: Here the archer faces all weathers with a stiff upper lip (probably frozen), flooded quiver and numb extremities. Two feet of snow, cloudburst, Texas trailer-park totalling tornado … nothing fazes this archer. Likely to have extremely waterproofed boots, milspec scope and a complete change of clothing including underwear in their pack. Does not own waterproofs or warm weather clothing except where skin-tight so they don’t interfere with their shot cycles. Otherwise, does not bother with such contrivances. Combination of polar bear and duck with the stoicism of granite.
B – Inclement Archer: When the Judges call “Inclement Weather” and most archers flee to their tents, this archer remains on the line like a soggy Greek god. Likely to argue rounds cannot be concluded early due to weather because of Record Status. Openly mocks those who race from tent to line, shoot quickly then back to the dry. Only carries an umbrella because papier-mâché score sheets are irritating to write on. Owns the best waterproofs available as the cost will be spread over SO MANY days shooting in a year. Has never had a cold or damp related ailment in their lives.
C – Scotch Mist Archer: Precipitation falls from the skies, yet this archer shoots on. Prepared with brolly, waterproofs, handwarmers and tent, they always pack a towel to dry their bow. Unhappy their archery is affected by weather but willing to soldier on in the conditions. They shoot till their tab is soggy and their grip slippery before calling it a day. Less concerned about the discomfort till it starts to interfere with their form. Likely to be a veteran archer who really doesn’t feel the need to prove themselves anymore. Note: The bow will get use of any tent – the archer stands in the rain.
D – Cloudy Archer: No level of cloud puts this archer off. White and puffy or grey and overcast. As long as all their weather apps report the chance of rain is <10%, they will be down the field decrying the faint of heart. Slightest spot of rain will trigger a panic with weather apps consulted after each end. Messages will be regularly checked in case an “emergency” has developed at home necessitating they pack up. Should rain suddenly fall they will teleport instantly into their own or whoever’s tent/gazebo is closest and gossip/drink caf till the rain stops or the sessions ends. Skittishly, always has one eye on the heavens.
E – Taps Aff Archer: The appearance of this archer heralds a perfect day’s shooting. They bring low winds, dry warm weather and a degree of sun that mandates sunhats and shades. This is known in Glasgow as “Taps Aff” weather. Hearing that this person will be coming to the field to shoot generates feelings not unlike seeing the first Swallow of Summer. However, should they suddenly call off, it’s likely their preferred weather apps have recently updated in a less that positive way. Never had to dry their bow and don’t own waterproofs other than a cheap collapsible brolly. If caught in the rain on the field, the meltdown would make our editor look well balanced.
F – Scorchio Archer: The ultimate Fair Weather Archer appears on the field only a few times a year. Owns a UV protective umbrella that wouldn’t last 10 seconds in Glasgow rain. Their gazebo exists simply to shield them from the sun and has all the durability of a dandelion in a hurricane. Shooting attire is sunhat, shorts and tee-shirt with designer label trainers for footwear. Owns no other shooting clothing. On the grounds of comfort, decries rule 307(b) outlawing flipflops but possible arrow in the foot? Nary a concern! Pack contains complete set of top of the range sunscreen but no waterproofs. Increased attendance in any year used by scientists to track climate change. These archers melt if they get wet.
No specific archer is being mocked or outed by this article. Any resemblance to actual archers dripping on the line, sheltering under their brolly, hiding in their tent or still at home is entirely coincidental. If you see yourself in the above … ;o)
** The Glasgow Fair is a holiday usually held during the second half of July. ‘The Fair’ originally dates from the 12th century. Until the late 1960s/early 70’s, most local businesses and factories in Glasgow and surrounding area shut down on ‘Fair Friday’ to allow workers and their families to go on holidays. Throughout human history, it has rained on this day … a lot!
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